I’ll apologize in advance. In this age of political correctness, the title of this blog borrows from a line of questionable morality. But the point remains, I’ve made the switch. That’s right, as of about 48 hours ago I am officially – wait for it – a Mac user, and I’m not even left-handed or an artist! 

Not sure what’s gotten into me. Maybe turning 50 a year or so ago has me looking at things in more practical than ideological terms. For example last June I ditched my Windows Mobile smartphone for a Blackberry, something I swore I’d never do. However, not two days after testing a Blackberry Curve, I wondered what had taken me so long.

Perhaps the Blackberry experience was reason to be not so closed-minded when my technical advisor, Scott Allan pictured right, who seemingly lives for teasing me about such things, resumed egging me about the Mac vs. PC debate. Or, perhaps it was additional creds Scott earned when he helped me move to this blog format from what I’d been doing in MS Front Page. The blog migration went so swimmingly that, if nothing else, it raised my head a few inches from the sand when renewed jabs about the PC world resurfaced. Could Scott be right about Macs too?

A Blackberry maybe, but a Mac? No way!

Not that I was in the market for a new laptop, but a few weeks ago when my 6 month old already c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g LG running Vista and Office 2007 began competing as a heat source with my furnace, I did as I do in the car market. I dusted off my knowledge of what’s out there in case an emergency like last Fall when my HP was stolen from my car in Montreal. Don’t get me started on HP bloatware.

A fan of wireless miniaturization, I tested a netbook. Specifically, the Asus N1OJ, which in my view is the best of these feeble machines, but turns out isn’t a good fit with someone with my level of impatience for waiting. Careful to repackage to store-bought condition and appearance, I returned the Asus within Staples’ 14 day return policy. 

I next thought to try and make do until this Fall when Microsoft promises/threatens to release Windows 7. Yes, I was one of those who lined up on January 30th 2007, to get a Vista box. Pride over stupidity is all that stopped me from downgrading to XP.

Impatience and impulsiveness still controlling me, I was okay with lending Best-Shop or Future-Buy the funds needed to road-test a Macbook. It was the Easter/Masters long weekend. Somehow I’d manage enough technology playtime. But what about Office? How does one test a quantum leap in Operating Systems without testing the equivalent half-dozen or so software titles I live in 90% of the time, i.e., Explorer, Outlook, Word, Power-Point and Excel?

Initially that was going to be easy. Surely Apple computers, like their PC counterparts, come with trial versions of Mac-Office? Guess again.

“Okay fine,” I convinced myself, “I’ll buy Mac-Office too, but I won’t take it out of the shrink-wrap until I am sure.”  

That was last Thursday at 3:04 p.m.

“Screw-it,” or words more profane, were uttered just after dinner on Thursday. The Mac-OS is pretty-and-all, and once I stopped looking to click the X to close programs on the right, and once I’d gotten over the fact Explorer was called Safari, and, Outlook – if I was to agree to the terms-and-conditions that come with breaking that impenetrable seal known as shrink-wrap – would hereafter be baptized “Entourage.” Worst case scenario, my technology pal would be the proud new owner of Mac-Office 2008 as “payback” for all he’d put me through.

Scott must be a strategy guy too because seconds before the exacto-knife approached the shrink-wrap he said, “be prepared to bear the cost of putting your fist through the screen at least once in the first month … after that, and if you make it, you’re good-to-go and you’ll never go back.” With that advice firmly impacted on my frontal cortex, I prepared and expected the worst while hoping for the best.

I am not entirely naive. I remember the old “100% effective but only on 10% of the roads” joke. I also know there is still plenty of time in the next month for me to left-hook the figurative guy on the right. But not likely. I’m a fast learner and I likely suffer from just healthy-enough of a dose of OCD to know the only way to do this is cold-turkey, flat-out, full-court-press, or whatever other analogy turns your crank.

It’s day 5 and the only thing in danger of being re-shrink-wrapped is everything I ever thought I knew about computing. The holy-F superlative, along with “you’ve got to be kidding me” has been uttered more times in the past 5 days than it has the past 5 years. Simply put, I truly don’t care what further pleasant, or possibly even unpleasant surprises lurk. The speed, productivity and functionality improvements experienced in the first 5 days are such that I am likely to never go back, if for no other reason than to penalize the Microsoft OS for making me live what I have lived through the past 20 years. For 20 years, I have defended, even boasted, “where Billy Gates goes, I go.” Who knew?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing Microsoft Office. That suite has generated most of what I have produced and earned in the past 20+ years. But the engine beneath it is no excuse. A network printer installation in the old world that would take 20 minutes took 20 seconds. And where in the morning I used to make coffee and walk the dog while my PC booted, I now know the true meaning of an instant turn-on. And if, in a few days, I find myself yearning for a PC fix (no pun intended) I’ll fire-up a parallel window of Windows without fearing the blue screen of death.

Having said all of this, I must admit to a weird internal feeling I can’t quite define. The equivalent to technological adultery perhaps or that I’ve committed some sort of social faux-pas. Ostracized by family and clientele … as if I’d be sucked-in by the cute commercials. This too, I am sure, shall pass. Especially if I get them one too.  

Like it was yesterday, I recall Statistics Canada’s Caroline Marcotte who in 1985 was learning to use an Excel/Lotus predecessor; Computer Associates’ Supercalc. Caroline was immersed in hour two writing, from scratch, a simple addition formula that needed to be in a column 5,000 or so cells. She was already on row 2,500 when, with a smart-assed smirk on my face, I grabbed the keyboard showed-off the replicate command. In less than 5 seconds the remaining 2,500 cells were done. I will never forget the dual look of amazement and “how could I be so stupid” on Caroline’s face. It’s the exact same look I’ve had on my face for the past 5 days.

And as we speak, holidaying with a bottle of wine somewhere in California with his wife is Scott Allan, smirking.

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